2016 Day 3 – All-Purpose Fan Letter

To whom it may concern
I just wanted to let you know
That I’m your number one fan
(Though not, I hasten to add,
In a ‘Misery’ sort of way).
I love the way you write/sing/wriggle your eyebrows
(Delete as appropriate)
And would very much like
If it’s not too much trouble
To have your autograph/telephone number/babies
(Delete as appropriate).
I’ve been a devotee ever since
I saw you in the bookshop/
On the television/
In the shower
(Delete as appropriate)
And to show the strength
Of my dedication
I have bought everything you’ve ever written/
Hacked into your email/
Sculpted your face in purple plasticine.
(Delete as appropriate)
I hope this message doesn’t come across
As too impertinent or forward,
And that you can find the time
To answer me. If not,
With love/indifference/contempt,
Delete as appropriate.

Note: The prompt was to write a fan letter.

 

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